Grey
by MusicalCatharsis
Summary: Don't you ever leave me Hermione...you won't make it very far anyway. He whispered into her ear. It was the last thing she heard before it all went grey.


"_I was never supposed to fall for the one person who hated me the most. I was never…and I mean it when I say never…supposed to want, lust, and loathe Draco Malfoy all at the same time. They say that falling in love is the easiest thing in the world to do…it's hardest to fall out of love. Try falling from Grace. I don't remember when it happened. I just know that one day I looked up into those storm-grey eyes and fell in love. I fell hard. Hit my bloody arse on the concrete of the Potions dungeon because I fell off of my stool. Laughter rippled throughout the room but I still held his gaze…and at the time that was all that mattered. Then he laughed right in my face, kicking the non existent dirt onto me. That's when the urge came over me. That's when I ruined my reputation and his. Slowly I raised myself up off the floor and walked up behind him, grabbed his shoulder, and spun him around. My hands were in his silky hair and before I knew it I had connected his lips with my own. There was an immediate hush around the room. Officially I was confused. What had I just done?_

_Soon things began to get hazy for me. Since the kiss nothing was in perspective. He was all I thought about but now he avoided me like the plague. He stopped coming to classes that we had together and dined in his Common Room. That agitated me. But towards the end of the beginning…it was he that came to find me. I remember his hand snaking out of an empty classroom and grabbing my forearm. I knew it was him just by his touch. The door closed behind me and I was roughly pushed up against the wall. Holding me at an arms length he looked into my eyes. A storm was raging in his irises and I wanted to be part of the outcome. Then he was glaring and before I knew it his mouth was on mine once again. His lips moving slightly in beat with his rapid heart. He pulled me closer, holding me close to his body, feeling everything that he could. And honestly I let him, because in my mind this was it. This was forever. _

_Forbidden love. How were we supposed to keep this from everyone? How was I supposed to act so glum when I was so happy? He never spoke to me that night. That night was filled with silence. No moans, no tears, no fights, just silence, and we reveled in it. When he was done he looked me in the eye and I saw the word there. He did not have to say it. In the end I was still a Mudblood. But now I was his Mudblood. Now there was a difference. I had climbed a step up the ladder. It became a ritual; I never knew when I was going to be yanked out of someplace that I needed to be. When I made rounds, when I was on my way to the loo, when I was supposed to be in class. I neglected everything for him. I needed him. He was my drug and I was completely addicted to him. In every damn way. But when we were not in our sanctuaries, he never looked at me, he didn't taunt me, and he didn't want me in public. I should have known that something was wrong with this. _

_It never changed. Not once. Each day it was the same thing. Each night it was even worse. I was sick of it by the time Christmas came around. When he pulled me into the room and pushed me against the wall it was I who turned my head and refused to kiss him. _

"_Why, Draco? Why?" He just looked at me with those eyes. Like he was dumbfounded or something. He shook his head. _

"_Hermione, there is no why. There just is. We are just this. Purely sexual. I want nothing more from you. But in the other sense. I want so much more from you. I want to be with you for always. But I can't. Why can you not understand that?" I hung my head. Not in shame but to deliberately taunt him. It worked because his arms pulled me closer to his chest. _

"_I want this. All of this. But I can't have it. I'm not worthy of you. I don't deserve you. You are too good to me. You are too good for me." I nodded my head and pushed myself from him and walked to the window. _

"_I still want to do this." He nodded. And so it continued. _

_There were days when I wanted nothing to do with him. There were also the days when I wanted nothing but him. I guess you could say that I was completely confused. You can't say that I was under the Imperius because I kissed him first. Remember that fact before you sentence him for treason. He was a male reacting to a female throwing herself at him out of hatred. What would you do? He responded in the only way he knew how. Lucius Malfoy used to bed Muggles and Mudbloods all the time. You could ask me what the difference was this time. This time Draco broke the rules. He fell in love and that is not part of the game. How dare he have a mind of his own? How dare he complete one sentence without feeling self conscious about it? How dare he think on his own? He was breaking away from the evil influences that his father bestowed upon him. He was mine and I was his. It was love and I know it. But in the end I was forced to leave him. For my safety. His eyes….Those beautiful eyes that made me so happy. Oh Merlin…what have I done?**  
**_

_After I left him I was left in a cloud of confusion. I could not turn left or right without the accusing stares. Betrayal laced in their eyes. Right in between their words. I guess you could say that I was a traitor. I mean I was sleeping with the enemy…who just happened to be my fiancé. What the hell did I do? That was the question I asked myself each night as I laid my head on his pillow. I was the biggest traitor in the Wizarding World. And in the end I did not care. Not one damn bit. His eyes were grey…everything was grey. **  
**_

_Merlin…when I told Ron and Harry… It was hell. I can't even begin to explain the tears I cried, pain I inflicted, and the lives I ruined. Ron…poor Ron. I was supposed to be his girl. That's the way it was documented since sixth year. We were meant to be…but I could not suffocate myself by being with him. They all suspected, each and every one of them, but they wrote it off. I mean I am Hermione Granger…would I ever betray anybody? I remember the fight like it was yesterday…maybe it was yesterday. Everything is gray now. I don't remember much._

**There was the Burrow. Still standing in all of it's teenage glory. My shiny Mary Jane's shuffled toward the door. I could sense the confusion in the house before I walked in. They were all there…with the Prophet open in front of them. Eyes, a dozen of them, stared at my face in the paper and then in the door. They looked at me…asking the same question with their accusing eyes. "Was it true?" **

**Shuffling toward the table I pulled out a chair. **

"**Yes. I am his fiancé. We have been together since sixth year." Ron sputtered before turning around to look at Harry. "I'm sorry." It was all that I could offer in condolence. It was all I had to give…you see I had already given my soul to the man that I love. **

"**How could you!" they accused. They hated me, I could see it in their eyes. They wanted me dead but at the same time they wanted me to go back to being the same Hermione that they knew and love. I shook my head.**

"**It doesn't work that way guys. She is gone. I was reinvented when I fell in love with Draco. This is not a test, this is not a game, I am not cursed, I am not being tortured when I go home. No, I went to him because I love him. I love you both but him…he is my life mate.**

"**Hermione," Harry muttered moving around the table to stand over me. "He is a Death Eater. He steals. He lies and cheats. Merlin, he probably hates you to be honest. Do you really love him?"**

"**Yes I do."**

"**Then leave. You mean nothing to us now. You have chosen your side. Be gone."**

_They didn't mean to treat me the way that they did. It's just in the blood. They are both hot tempered. They both know what they wanted in life. I knew what I wanted as well and I went after him. I got him too. I know for a fact that Draco did not commit treason against the Wizarding World. I know that he would never embezzle money from the Ministry. We have enough of it. We don't need what he is being framed for. We will always be a jealous bunch of people. We will always be bigots and biased. But Draco and I we broke the rules. Nothing is fluffy and light between us. We fight every day. We yell and scream and I throw things. He calls me a pain in the ass and I call him an arrogant son of a bitch. But that is us. We laugh about it in a few minutes because we truly love each other. We are meant to be. This thing between us, you may doubt it, but we doubt you. Are you truly sincere about your life the way that we are? We do not pull any punches. We are truthful and blunt with each other. That is what makes us so good together. No secrets. You guys should try it._

_**  
**Banish us. Send us to live as Muggles. What do we care? We will be together and that is all that matters. As long as we have each other we will survive._

_It is sad to say it but when I found out about the end of the war I laughed. Did you all really think that you would lose? Did you think that because Harry was just 17 that he would let you down? Honestly…he took out more Death Eaters than your entire Auror squad. He was the man for the job, there were many casualties, many that are still unknown. I'm sitting here talking to all of you reporters, not knowing where the love of my life is. He could be anywhere…but I fear that I know exactly where he is. Strangely it is calming to know that he is in peace. You can't arrest him if he is dead. Though…you can smear his name with filth like I'm sure Rita Skeeter will do tomorrow in her filthy little column. People ask me all the time if I would changed anything…if I had the chance to do it again would I? And the answer has always been no. There was only one man for me and that was the one that slept with me for the past four years. He was my fiancé and he was wonderful to me._

_You all judged him, like he was nothing compared to the rest of you because of his lineage. And I just realized that what you all thought was wrong of the Death Eaters to be doing to Muggleborns…you all did yourselves on a daily basis. How's that for irony? What to know something else? You all have dabbled a little in the Dark Arts. You know that you have. This is not an accusation this is a statement of truth. People deal with the Dark Arts each day. You all have had evil thoughts. Wanted to kill someone…_

_Honestly, this little press conference has done nothing for you all to find out where Draco is. He was, and still could be, a productive member of this society. And if he is in fact, actually missing, then you all are neglecting your jobs to sit around listening to a pregnant lady babble about a man who might be dead. _

I lifted my wrist and glanced at my watch.

_Sadly it is time for me to depart. I have an appointment. I wish you luck in your blasphemous article writing._

I quickly walked out of the room and apparated back to the manor. Walking in silently I placed my purse on the chair and walked over to his picture on the mantle. Tracing his face lightly with my index finger I sighed.

"Come back to me Draco. Please."

"I never left." I spun around and my eyes landed on the blonde headed man standing in the doorway. I rushed to his side and dug my face into his chest.

"Draco. I love you." I whispered as my face contorted in pain. My hands flew to my stomach as my knees buckled beneath me. The next time I awoke I was in a hospital bed at St. Mungo's.

"You're awake." Draco muttered to me while signaling to the nurse. I nodded. "You can give birth now. I know you always wanted to give birth and be able to remember it the next day." I nodded once again as the pain returned to my stomach. The delivery was in process and I could not remember a thing the next day. Draco was screaming and doctors were running about the room trying to fix something. I guess I was slipping away, my pulse was diminishing. I was slowly dying. Draco grabbed my hand and said into my ear.

"Don't ever leave me. I will be so empty without you in my life. I need you to survive." But at that moment I could not help it. I had to leave the earth; it just seemed so right, so peaceful. There was a little machine by my bed that monitored my heart. Draco said something to me with each beep it made. The last thing I remember him saying to me was:"Don't you ever leave me Hermione…you won't make it very far anyway."

**Then it all went Gray.**

* * *

**a/n...yes there will be a sequel to this...Hermione will still be speaking about Draco's life after her death**


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